You and Me and Me and Me
by audreyslove
Summary: Zelena accidentally makes a wish, and that has delightful consequences for Regina, the Evil Queen, Robin, Trina, and us as readers.


"I wish you both would get what you deserve!" Zelena screams into the night. "Seriously, Regina, go fuck yourself."

She's angry, so angry. Her plans have been foiled again, her plans to prevent the merge of the Evil Queen and Regina are discovered, the black wand taken from her hands and replaced with a mere stick, and she's livid about to poof away and escape into the night. She'd leave the town, if she could, but Regina had placed a careful protection spell on her child, and she could not take her away from Storybrooke.

Even Zelena is so caught up in the moment, she doesn't realize that David had dropped the Genie's lamp in efforts to secure the wand...and that lamp was at her feet...being rubbed by an exposed ankle as she slowly walked backwards against it.

No one notices of course, until the Genie appears.

"Your first wish is granted." Aladdin states grimly.

And then everything spins into black.

Robin awakes to find himself on a large, fluffy king sized bed. It's the mansion, he's sure of it, but it feels like another time, another place. A snore next to him alerts him to the fact he is not alone.

He turns and finds Regina, thank god, Regina, sleeping naked next to him.

But curiously, Regina doesn't snore.

"Regina, love, what happened?" he asks, shaking her gently. "How did we get here?"

"Mmm stop calling me Regina," she moans, "you know it's me."

The woman has shorter hair than Regina likes to wear it, but she's absolutely identical in every other way. At least in terms of her looks. She smells a bit different, a bit like pepper and cloves and ash, and her voice is just a tad off, a bit more sultry and raspy.

Perhaps she's another split version of Regina. These differences happened between the Evil Queen and Regina, afterall. Her voice grew higher under Regina, her smell even changed, ever so slightly, but he noticed it, the sexy, sultry edge replaced by something just a bit more innocent.

He is still thinking of how to respond when Regina bursts through the door.

"Robin, are you here?" she asks frantically. She locks eyes with him, looking so relieved he is alright. But then, she looks to the sleeping form next to him in bed and raises her eyes. "And who _is_ that?"

"Enough games you two, you know very well who I am," the woman says into her pillow, sighing and sitting up. She's naked under the sheet that barely covers the lower half of the body. She seems entirely comfortable and unashamed that her tits are out for both Robin's and Regina's views. Christ, even her body looks identical to Regina's.

"Regina, love, I thought you had to work this morning. Did you get off early?" The smile on the woman's face grows more sultry, a bit devilish, when she adds, "do you _want_ to get off early?"

"What...you're sleeping with the Evil Queen?" Regina asks, looking at Robin with a great deal of anger.

"You say that like you aren't doing it as well," the woman adds, "We all are. Where is her majesty, anyway?"

Regina's face goes white. "You're — you're _not_ the Evil Queen?"

The woman's face screws in confusion, and then exasperation. "I swear to god since I landed in this town it's one thing after another. Is this another god damned memory loss spell? These villains need more creativity. This is getting boring."

She extends a hand out to Robin after adjusting the sheet around her, pressing it under her armpits in a way that seems purely for his benefit. "Hello again, Robin. I'm Trina Decker."

He looks at her hand as if he's not sure what to do with it. It doesn't seem right to touch her, not in front of Regina.

And Trina must know that, so she turns to Regina and smiles, "Regina, I'm Trina. In case you haven't noticed, I'm you. Just you from a different realm."

.::.

 _I hope you both get what you deserve_

The words echo in her mind, and she realizes she may be in some alternate reality, stuck in realm where she gets what she deserves.

Does she deserve to be replaced by herself?

Is she what Robin actually deserves?

Her throat grows dry, questions battle for dominance in her mind, and she starts to feel a bit dizzy.

This woman — _Trina_ — seems to know her very well, because she stands and takes her to the chaise lounge.

"Sit, I'll explain everything," she says with a sigh, "it won't be the first time. Do you need a glass of water?"

.::.

Regina doesn't sit. Instead she runs right out of that room, and takes a day to figure this out. She sends Robin to the library to research this, but truly it is just a place to take him where she can put up a protection spell and keep him safe until she is able to assess the threat situation.

But after extensive questioning and vetting, Regina is rather convinced that Trina's story is true. She was dropped here about a year ago, for reasons unknown but assumed to be as a result of a locator spell Regina used to summon the Evil Queen. The spell was to summon all versions of herself to the vault….and there popped a very dazed, very confused Trina.

The town had little idea of what to do with Trina, at first. She could not leave Storybrooke, and any attempt to send her back failed.

Trina had been scared shitless of everyone especially since she appeared in Storybrooke for the first time in front of a very terrifying evil queen version of herself and a version who was standing precariously over a caldron of bubbling liquid spouting out incantations.

Every test Regina or Whale ran showed she had identical genetics to Regina. And yet, Regina had no idea how to get through to her.

It was Emma who suggested Robin reach out to her, saying that someone with Regina's DNA might be better approached by Robin, who has shown himself to be quite capable of breaking down the walls of a Mills woman. Plus, this version of Regina was, well….very sexually charged, and seemed to take interest in Robin.

And apparently, somehow this didn't make Regina burst into flames of jealousy like she thought it might.

Robin was able to soothe Trina's fears, to get her to open up to him, in a way no one else could. Emma tells her that she believes Regina was mildly jealous of the relationship at first, until she discovered Trina and Robin had mainly been discussing her husband, and how to get back to him.

For Regina, who took decades to recover from her lost love, this news had been particularly devastating. So she and Robin offered her comfort, and love, and promised to help her find her way home. And. according to Trina, in the middle of all that love and comfort, she had somehow fallen for Robin, and Regina herself, as odd as it may be.

"And you know, Robin had refused to stop seeing the Evil Queen. He always argued with us that despite her murderous plots she was a version of us too, and he loved her just the same. So it…..happened. We're learning from each other. I'd say we're learning quite a bit. And in the meantime, you are fixing a way to get me back home."

Trina tries to wink. _My god_ , Regina thinks with a groan _is that what it looks like when I try to wink?_

"what do you mean, learning from each other?" Regina asks. this whole thing is just… absurd. Even for them.

"well it started when Robin admitted he's still dealing with what Zelena put him through…" Trina crinkles her nose and scowls, "she's your sister, i know, but she's not a good person. Not yet anyway."

"He's… still not over the…"

"The rape? Not entirely. he _was_ worlds better but with the memory loss we may have to start from scratch, like we did last time. But don't worry, about that. Starting from scratch is fun." She sighs and takes out a cigarette and lighter from her pocket and lights up. Regina had always found smoking to be distasteful and trashy, but in Trina it comes off elegant and sexy. She carries herself in a way that is part Regina, part Evil Queen, and yet is entirely unique.

"How did we help him with the, um…" she lowers her voice though no one is there to hear, because she knows Robin hates discussing what happened to him in this term, "rape?"

Trina smiles and shrugs. "With Zelena he was in control of his body, but still felt helpless. His mind was a mess the whole time, even when she was in Marian's body, he didn't want it. And sex that you don't want? that can leave a scar. It leads to misplaced guilt because he did things with her that he regrets, that he wishes he had stopped. So we gave him lots of sex that he _did_ want, but removed his ability to… instigate. We tied him up, did very… fun things together, and he said he never felt so free. Isn't human psychology interesting?"

Regina tries not to be horrified, but the idea of sleeping with _herself_ , is just… well it's narcissistic at best, but it's got to be incest, and…

 _Seriously, Regina, go fuck yourself_

She thinks back to Zelena's last words before she woke up in this strange land….but hell, those words weren't phrased as a wish, god damn it. There's no way she would do that, anyway. Sleeping with herself is not like her in _any_ realm..

"At first we were just just pleasing _him."_ Trina states, reading her mind. "You were rather horrified by the idea of even touching me during sex. Silly, if you ask me, that hangup. But then there was the issue with our little regal, and…"

"What does _she_ have to do with this?"

"Well, Robin was sleeping with her too, and s _he_ found out about us—"

"Robin was cheating on me with...me?" She asks, stunned and upset and not either of those things all at once. True, she had barely had Robin back for a day before Zelena made this wish, but in those few hours Robin made his feelings on her split very clear. He had told her that he loved her whole, and until he could love her together,, he'd love both sides of her apart. She knew he was going to reach out to her evil side, but somehow she didn't expect _sex._

 _"_ He doesn't see it as cheating, and I agree. You split yourself, through some sort of magic. But you were both in love with him before. You can't hoard him for yourself because you think you are the best version of you."

"That's not up for debate," Regina argues, "she's evil, a homicidal maniac and —"

"Hey now," Trina interrupts, "she's been through some stuff."

"So have I!" Regina argues, before she can think better of it.

"And you wouldn't have made through those things without her." Trina reminds flippantly. "In any case she got some of your hang ups and phobias and issues. I'm sure you realized that. And she has none of your coping skills."

Regina's blood turns to ice water, every beat of her heart chilling her further.

She realized she was free of those remnants from her childhood, her sessions with Rumple, and her first marriage, but never made the connection that those horrific uncontrollable flashbacks would be trapped inside the queen.

"And you know there was the whole you splitting and wanting to kill her thing that didn't help with self worth issues. Even you felt bad once you realized how much she was suffering. So you came around and we invited her to play. She's a firecracker."

"How are you...okay with this relationship?" Regina asks, motioning between the two of them.

Trina laughs, a sweet little sound that sounds like Regina, but nothing like her laugh at all. "I suppose some may find it...incestuous. But we do not share the same parents, or family, and I never thought of you as my sisters. But if you are talking about the fact we look identical, well….perhaps it is a little _self indulgent._ But life should be a bit more indulgent, shouldn't it?"

"Am I on good terms with the queen now?"

Trina shrugs. "You seem to be. Why?"

"I'm trying to figure out why i haven't merged us yet, if we've spent so much time in the same room, i should be able to—"

"Oh that doesn't work. You tried that. No merging without _consent._ She has to agree to it. She will get there, you just have to convince her she's needed and you won't seek to bury her the second you merge with her."

But that is what she _wants_ to do.

Or maybe, what she had _planned_ to do.

Before she realized the woman she sought to kill or destroy or find irrelevant wasn't just her past crimes. She held the painful memories and the shame and regret, too, without any ability to see past it and focus on the good. It is a cruel fate. No one deserves that. Not even herself.

"I...am going to need a moment."

"Right. Well we have to tell Robin about all this. Though Queenie might have reached him first And, uh, Regina?"

"Yes?"

"You promised me to get me back to my husband. I know you don't remember the promise, but—"

"I'll get you back to him," Regina vows, "I'll find a way."

"Good." A hint of vulnerability comes over her face and she adds, "because i'm enjoying my time here, while I can, in this magical little crazy trip of a town, but I really do miss Tom. And if I thought I could never see him again...I don't think I'd be much fun at all."

Regina tries to remind herself this is just a wish version of a person. She's not real, and her problems do not need to be solved. Regina just needs to get her and Robin out of this realm immediately.

And yet she cannot bear this woman to suffer.

Even if she's just a figment of a dream. Even if she's not a woman at all.

.::.

Trina and Regina arrive back home to find a very perplexed Robin sitting on the couch with an equally perplexed queen.

"He doesn't remember," the queen murmurs as they enter the living room. She sounds devastated by this revelation.

" _You_ do?" Regina asks, her head cocked.

"Yes," the queen nods, "I remember it all." then something in her snaps, as if she just solved a puzzle. "If you don't remember either, my guess is you want me out of here," she drawls. Her defenses are up, she's all seductive and playful and just a bit threatening. "Afraid i'm going to take him from you, are you?"

"Now wait just a minute…" Robin starts.

"I'm not afraid of that, no." Regina says calmly. "He's not only _my_ soulmate after all."

The queen looks surprised by this and then turns to Trina and almost looks...grateful. "What did you tell her?"

"Just what our current relationship is, and a bit of why it is that way."

"Did you tell her how she gave me every last neuroses she had in _her_ miserable life?"

"Yes, among _other things,"_ Her eyes never leave Robin's when she says that, and it should be obvious she's speaking about the things she learned about _him._

 _"_ I need to talk to you privately." Regina says, shifting her gaze toward the queen. The queen's eyebrow raises and a naughty little smirk crosses her face. And then Regina resigns herself to the fact she is no longer the enemy, and will not answer to orders. "Please," she amends. "Please, it is important."

She takes her evil side to the study. The bedroom has more privacy, but under the circumstances… it seems like an inappropriate venue.

"Look, I need to tell you something about my last memory," Regina says, staring at her with some regret. "Zelena had just wished for me to get what I deserve, and to uh...to…"

"Are you trying to tell me none of us exist, we're all just the product of our crazy sister's evil wish?

"I...know it sounds ridiculous, but think about this. You, and I, going to bed with _each other._ And she had just wished that I... uhh, go fuck myself, as she said it. Really _think_ about it. Under what circumstance would you be truly at peace with sleeping with _me?"_

"I like to think of it as masturbation," The queen says waggling her eyebrows. "It doesn't bother me in the least, Regina. We like to please ourselves, don't we?"

"Stop," Regina says, "this is serious."

"Yes it is. Because if your memories both reset, Robin is still struggling with...Zelena stuff. Did Trina tell you how bad it is?"

How bad it is? She hadn't really thought about it, they had no time, she supposes. But there were so many nights in Camelot where he seemed to have no trouble at all fucking her silly at all hours of the day or night, at any given moment, and...well...just how bad could it be? How bad could it be, if she didn't even notice?

The queen seems to read her mind, and she sounds almost...strangely...sympathetic when she soothes, "He hid it well for awhile. But it's there. He's hiding his insomnia from you. He drinks strong coffee and pretends to sleep. He thinks we blame him for what happened."

"That doesn't make sense," Regina argues, "he did nothing wrong."

The queen shrugs. "Trina says trauma does that to a person. They have… psychology… I think it's called? In her realm. She's fascinated by it. She says a lot of people are over there. Anyway, apparently you study how people behave, and people who have been through things _Robin_ —" The queen frowns, hesitated and says, "people who have been _raped…_ "

Regina cringes. She doesn't like using that word, she doesn't like giving the violation a title. But it's true isn't it?

"They sometimes blame themselves," She explains in a bitter snarl. It's so odd, hearing her own voice, appreciating the tones and inflections, the little hints that give away her true emotions. And this version of herself is hiding a bit of tenderness under all that that fire. She adds, "You may think I'm a monster but I would _never_ have done that to a person."

Regina's not so sure. She thinks back to the person she was, and while she's _not_ that person anymore, she's still pulled in a strong undertow of shame. For a time, there was seemingly nothing that she wouldn't do to get her revenge. So she looks at her other self with curiosity and plainly asks, "Wouldn't you— we, wouldn't we have done that, at a time?"

"When we were making up cursed identities, did you make a land where David thought he was your husband?" The Queen asks, rolling her eyes. "And let's not pretend the thought of him was never… pleasing. I've been a literal part of you. I know your fantasies. And yet…"

She looks at her pointedly, an eyebrow raised.

And technically, her darker half is right. But then, she _had_ tried to seduce him when he was cursed, and isn't that the same thing?

"That's completely different." The Queen mutters, reading her own mind, "if he would have taken us up on the offer it would have been entirely his choice."

"He didn't know who I was," Regina counters, giving her a snide look.

"But he didn't think you were someone special to him. He didn't think he _had_ to cater to your whims out of obligation. I _know_ we would have never done what Zelena did. And she's a horrible person, and I'm glad she ran off back to Oz."

"She _what_?" Regina is in shock, but the Evil Queen just laughs.

"She could barely handle two of us, she was completely outmatched and outwitted by the three of us. We have enough enemies without her, don't worry, it's not boring." The Queen smiles at her with a saccharine quality that has her cringing. "But on towards more pressing matters. Someone keeps invoked a memory curse at a very inopportune time for Robin. Our soulmate is in pain. Of course, _I've_ been through this before, and I remember what has helped him before your recent memory lapse," she smirks, biting her lip coyly, "while we're trying to find out who has reset our memories, are you willing to play along, or are you going to be your stubborn self and refuse to do anything I suggest merely because it's _my_ idea?"

Regina sighs and fights the natural instinct she's always had to argue with herself, curse her own existence and demean herself into nothing.

Because this version of herself is hurting, and struggling, but also _loving._ She loves Robin, that much is clear.

"Fine," Regina groans. "What can I do to help Robin?"

"Oh," the Evil Queen says with a devilish smile on her face, "trust me, my dear, you are going to _love_ helping him."

Regina swallows heavily, and silently curses Zelena for her clumsiness and poor choice of words. Why couldn't Zelena just wish she'd go to hell?

The way her evil self's plan sounds, she's headed in that direction anyway.


End file.
